Thursday, March 26, 2015
Just a tad over a year ago I wrote here and I must say...so much changes in a year. And so much changes with the advent of a Solar Eclipse. Back in 2014, I had no idea that 12 and half months hence I'd be experiencing this spring's solar eclipse in a way that I could never, ever have imagined. Though the big changed happened on the last day of last year, I am vibrating with the shift in energies NOW. Big reveal...I am now retired.
Through a series of events that one could only term fated, my partner (actually wife now) and I figured out how to transition into a lifestyle that incredibly financially mimics what we had before I retired. We are whole. Not rich, but not poor. We are amazingly ok. I am sleeping a whole lot more than 4 hours each night. My deep, deep anxiety-filled depression has lifted. My various chronic ailments are beginning to dissipate. My understanding of life, minted when I was just five years old has been confirmed. Retirement, the kind that gives you what you need for a simple, sane life IS BETTER.
And today, less than a week after the eclipse, I see that things that were cluttering up my life...the noise, is starting to fall away. A mailing list I subscribed to for technical writing is being discontinued. My sister is developing a partnership with another gal and will no longer use my technical services for her blog. The offer from my former workplace to do some small freelance jobs essentially evaporated.
In the face of this I am capitulating...acknowledging slowly that my life is changing and affirmatively deleting various expenditures for things that I have no need of in this new life (technical education & business blogging education subscriptions). These were big...because I thought I needed these accounts just in case. But I know in my gut...I don't.
In its place? More time at the gym...I'm finally getting the motivation to exercise seriously every day. I've decided that in 2016, I'd like to try to run a half marathon. Will I make it? Who knows. All that's clear is that this is something the wife and I can do together in our joint retirement. And who doesn't want to spend more time with the love of their lives?
She and I are also thoughtfully considering classes to do together, a language class (probably Spanish, one bucket list dream locates us living in the Yucatan Peninsula one day.) and an art class -- sculpture is something we both are passionate about. And I am beginning to look at volunteer opportunities.
I'm sure there is more. Especially writing more. But the shift is palpable. A great description of this change is described on Astrobarry's website. A apt quote for what I am experiencing is this: "What liberating visions for a radically different future have started to emerge? How do the developments of these past few weeks resonate with and/or reinforce these insights?"
What a wild, wild ride...
Monday, April 28, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
This morning, in a fit of trying everything (as is my wont as an INFP/INTP) I am sitting at Christie's desk, which has a wonderful view of the living room. Of course, it would never work for me to do this when she was home. She'd feel like her space was being invaded and sullied (because that's what I do, I conquer all space in this house, colonizing it through possessions). But it is nice to sneak in and try it out...because this seat is one of the best in the house...the room is big and expansive, it has lots of light and windows and it is a proper desk...not the slapped together collection of tv dinner tables and tiny night stands that comprise my non work area. That whole room feels scary to me....it's over colonzied with papers and books and aspirational shoe choices.
I understand Christie when she says the entire lot of it needs to be junked. Besides helping Gina get her business elements together, I considered seriously attacking the closet because that is the genesis of all big bad things in that room. The closet the loci of the most angst ridden yearny parts of the whole house. It's filled with papers from old classes, clothes that no longer fit or are out of style, dentritis from almost every single move I've made as an adult. I know that if I can crack the code of the closet, the rest of the room will be much easier to address.
And here's the thing...sitting here in the main body of the house, maybe I'd rather be part of the stream of things than separate from it? Separateness is what makes being in that room so problematic...it makes C feel cut off from me, it creates a barrier in our togetherness. So if I were here and not there...if that room could be switched back to a guest room with bookcase and sensible storage for my clothes, perhaps, perhaps our lives would not be so topsy turvey anymore? I mean, I can put earphones on if the TV is going. But I can't heal the rift created when I falsely sequester myself from the rest of my life.
Friday, October 18, 2013
But the fact that we are so disabled by transit strikes in this century, the century that touts the information highway, shows us how much old paradigms hold on with a vice-like grip. The machine (a.k.a society) hasn't learned yet.
But we need to get with the program people.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Good things are waiting for you.
Hard things too.
But You. Must. Do.
An aside...yes this is your seven year and you are in the grotto staring up at the moon and the stars and taking copious notes and realizing what you don't know. That shit is scary, no doubt about it.
But it is EXCELLENT that you know you don't know. Today (and the rest of the year), remedy that problem.
EXCELLENT I tell you!
Saturday, August 3, 2013
It seems like every other week I'm early trying out a new writing program as if that will be the magic bullet that will catapult me into the blogosphere as a legitimate writer. Ain't nothing that will do that kid except you doing it. Ya gotta write, write, write. And you need to have a niche, niche, niche. Oh and yeah, you can't be anonymous.
The newest one is called Draft by a very enthusiastic young man who is probably half my age. Still, hearing him talk, I forgot I was old. I heard him and thought...cool contemporary. Such a very sad thing, this oldness before we come to acknowledge it.
An aside...I know I'm old because I keep on thinking of my life in terms of "preserving" things as in if I don't start exercising, I'm going to lose the ability to exercise willingly at all. Everything that defines who I am--my writing, my speaking, my teeth, knees, lungs, eyes, hair, skin, intellect...all of these things I keep trying to preserve. Of course in the end it's pointless, they will all be lost one day. But while I'm still 'young-old', I want to enjoy what I have...that's the plan anyway.